the burden of bad choice
Bixi B. Craig-Editor in Chief
This month I am contemplating a profound lesbian phenomenon: the bad choice.
Bad choice, as I shall argue, permeates lesbian existence. The most blatant form it
manifests itself in are the matters of the heart.
When two women, biologically the more powerful gender, couple an enormous
energy is created. A pair of women can in theory and practice achieve a lot
together in life – lead, prosper, induce positive change around them. Yet, more
often than not, lesbians spend little time and effort in selecting a suitable match in
their mate. An inherent problem gay and straight women alike tackle is that the
desire to have a life partner, a nest, and comfort zone is generally stronger than
that of personal fulfillment.
However, gay women face additional obstacles. We are in a uniquely unfortunate
situation when it comes to coupling. Belonging to a social or racial minority is
automatically a limiting experience. While interracial couples are fairly common, and
people of different faith and economic backgrounds certainly have successful
relationships, lesbians and gays are limited to only the dating pool of their own
kind. Basically, we have to locate our lady love in the small and relatively invisible
group of homosexual women. There are exceptions, but generally speaking,
lesbians have it hard because they want to love and be loved and be settled in, but
have to find their partner within the peripheries of the minority group they belong
to. Due to this limitation of “options” as we may say, we tend to be more lenient with
the items on the check list of what we look for in a partner. A desperate or hasty
partner choice can be signified by conditions such as a huge age difference that
eventually alienates the partners; a dramatic gap in educational levels that can
cause a friction; a different socio-economic background and/or status that can
present a permanent challenge for a couple. Often hindsight provides a great life
lesson, but we drift right into the next bad choice.
The lesbian bad choice syndrome is not limited to partnerships. Because
homosexuals as a group are not fully integrated in society, a gay woman may
mistake a rudimentary thing as a job offer for a favor that was granted to her, rather
than seeing a career opportunity she has earned due to her experience and
qualifications. Have you ever accepted a job because you felt welcomed or the non-
judgmental attitude displayed in the work environment? Often, a pay-cut or a small
benefits package doesn’t scare us away, because at least someone will hire us,
right? Over-qualification? No problem. It frustrates me that an overabundance of
talent goes to waste because so many homosexual women are afraid to step up and
do what they are capable of doing.
The burden of homosexuality, or more so the social consequences of being gay,
interfere with our decision making on a number of other levels, including
appearance, family planning, health, business, and politics. Bad self image can lead
to non-flattering appearance. My gay step-son, whose passion is fashion, dreams of
ways to revamp the lesbian look. He wants to start one by one, giving each lesbian
he knows an image make-over.
Non-sufficient or no healthcare is another result of bad choice. Lesbians face
unique challenges within the health care system that can cause poorer mental and
physical health. Many doctors, nurses, and other health care providers have not
had sufficient training to understand that women who are lesbians, like
heterosexual women, can be healthy normal females. The fear of incriminating
questions and inappropriate looks, touches, and treatment keeps many gay women
from getting their pap smears and annual health checks done. Other barriers to
optimal health for lesbians are fear of negative reactions from their doctors if they
disclose their sexual orientation; doctors’ lack of understanding of lesbians’
disease risks, and issues that may be important to lesbians; lack of health
insurance because of no domestic partner benefits, or poverty. For the above
reasons, lesbians often avoid routine health exams and even delay seeking
medical care when health problems occur. What is the most important health issue
for lesbians? To make the choice of getting checked out. Women with no insurance
can apply for county funded programs, and there is also the Toni Atkins lesbian
health fund (applications are available at the LGBT Center).
Business wise we should never forget who supports us and who doesn’t. Make a
list of all the stores you patronize throughout the month, and then group them into
businesses that are treating homosexuals equal to heterosexuals, and those that
are lesbian friendly, versus establishments that have had lawsuits against them for
not promoting women, or those that target the gay market to exploit it while not
condoning homosexuality. The results may be helpful in making business and
buying decisions this year.
This year is about change and empowerment. I will consciously evaluate my
choices, and invite you to do the same. Go to the indie music fest, support
alternative talent. Break free. Understand your options and act upon the best ones.
Cheers,
Bixi B. Craig
Editor in Chief
Editor's Welcome
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
